Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
