I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
