I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
