So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
