I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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