So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
