Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
