oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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