I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
