There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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