Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
