Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
