Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
