He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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