That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
