did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
