Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
