he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
