So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
