he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
