Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
