Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
