I think i peed on brittanys purse
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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