Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
