Where is the hickey?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
