I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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