forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
