I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
