Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
