I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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