Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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