He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
even my farts smell like vagina
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
