he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
