We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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