the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
