that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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