we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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