Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Acid is not a monday night drug
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
