So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
