Someone shit on the floor
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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