as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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