All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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