Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
