i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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