Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Randomize
