I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
