THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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