I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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