You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
