thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
