if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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