'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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