Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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