Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
